patience and what is normal

Patience, patience, patience.  My family is off on a vacation and i am sitting at home trying to remain optimistic that i will be able to meet them there.  I am waiting on a baby to come and trying to not feel impatient.  I have the whole situation settled so that i can fly home in about 1/2 hour from where we will be staying if someone else goes into labor but i just cannot leave until this baby comes.  I can feel some modicum of compassion for those OB's and there induction for vacation antics.  Not enough compassion to act on it mind you, just an acknowledgement.  So now is as good a time as any i guess to use my time to work on this often neglected writing.

I have been reflecting on the past 2 months of births and how i tend to see patterns.  The current pattern that has developed is wait and see in nature.  I have been at many  births lately where everything is normal and usual but there are a lot of plateaus and readjustment time.  It is so important to let people be when things stall out.  It is probably for a very good reason.  3 of the women i am thinking of reached all different stages of their labors and needed a serious break in order to absorb and adjust to where they were and where they were about to go.  The other thing that has been on my mind lately is; checking for dilation can be such a useless endeavor.  What is to be gained really?  There is a time and place for checking someone so they can save their energy for when it really counts if they are all worked up and it is truly the beginning.  But just a couple of weeks ago there was a lovely birth where the mama was checked by her partner and found to be 1 centimeter even though she was acting very differently.  They opted to not have me come as it was "so early in labor"  then just a few hours later they were holding a gorgeous baby boy in their arms.  I made it but just barely.  Perhaps we would have all been happier if the check never happened or maybe it was all just right.  There is also that place when you just know someone is close but you as the care provider and certainly the mom wants to believe she is ready to push but is clearly not doing so.  Why check then?  She will likely push when she is good and ready and you may muck up the whole thing by putting your fingers in.

I was just at a birth earlier this week that was fast and furious.  It is interesting how that energy continues to flow for several days post partum.  Have others found this to be true?  Let me know if you have.  I guess it is also possible that it just follows the saying of "you birth how you live".

This leads me to the final question on here today. What is normal?  Please.  When will we realize there is no formula.  What is normal for some is abnormal for others and vice versa.  We all are so different in every day life and i find this does not magically suspend itself where pregnancy, birth and post partum are concerned.  Embrace your oddities and stay healthy!   

abundance and desire

                   
Oh the rain and the things i want to do.  I often feel like there are not enough hours in the day.  There are just so many projects, crafts, books,etc to involve myself in and then i want to just lay around and enjoy the empty hours.  But i cannot.  My mind like most mother's i would guess is always spinning. 

 Today i want to get things ready for a silk screening project for my girl and her friend tomorrow, I want to cook something fabulous,(i'm not sure what yet), I want to start this great knitting project i have in mind, i want to go on an epic run in this west coast weather we are having, rain, rain, rain.  Oh but there is more!  The garden is finally growing due to the rain.  I have to make a halter cozy for Moses our fat fat pony.

My daughter has been struggling with our fat pony for quite some time now.  She has not been able to keep a running conversation up with him at all.  She had a break through day recently where he actually let her ride him and jump him over a small cross rail.  AMAZING!

I have been thinking today and many other days as well about due dates.  I have been noticing an very strong tendency lately.  So many mom's want to speed up their due dates.  This is no new phenomenon i know but it just seems so big right now.  Every day the topic comes up even well before due dates..."what can i do to get things going?"  What's the rush?  I can understand the desire to meet you little one but if all is well and healthy what's the hurry?  Why do we always need to manage things?  I find the more we manage the more likely we are to mess things up and complicate the whole process.  

And now on to gardening and running and fixing the adirondack chairs hooray!

Rhubarb pie, babies, and being in love

I started this entry many many times in my mind and i even got so far as naming it but then life would intervene.

Let's first start with the rhubarb pie.  Oh i love food so.  cornmeal crust with a yoghurt lemon mousse with poached rhubarb resting gently atop.  Drizzle each pece with a rhubarb, black pepper, cinnamon sauce and it is spring, oh finally it is spring.  Much like my kids, my work and my love food consumes me.  I wake up almost every morning thinking about what i can make next.  What region of the world we can explore through it's food.  I dream of dinner parties, elegant dinners, casual cookouts, country bake offs.  Our cooking class out here is proving to be a fun and pleasurable way to make elaborate meals for the friends who participate.   AAAHHH food, apparently enough cannot be said.

Babies, babies, babies.  food and babies, and friends and babies, and sleep and babies, and more babies.  It is funny how many times i have sat and readied myself to write this only to be interrupted by the phone beckoning me to another home nearby or far away waiting to see the newest member of our world.  

The last few weeks have been quite busy and full.  There have been many mamas and papas with so many different stories and histories, hopes, and dreams.  

There was a family still freshly mourning the loss their first child and welcoming a new baby joyfully into their hearts. unimaginably heavy and weightless at the same time.  Mother's day was  a sweet relief for them.  

There was the patient strong mama waiting and waiting and waiting for the right time for her baby to come.  Finally at 42 weeks and 3 days her lovely one made it's way gently into the world, swimming up from the water to join his parents and quietly look around at his new home.

A family welcoming it's seventh child.  An easeful birth in the water for the first time.  She had said, "I just want to see what all of the fuss is about".  I love never touching a baby as she glides into her parent's waiting hands.

A glorious vbac.  A triumph.  No words can describe how healing this was for this particular family.  A nine and a half pound glorious mellow girl.  Healthy, ready to nurse and so calm and patient.

These were just a few but of course the one that is freshest for me i just got back from a few hours ago.  I had just met this family a few weeks ago.  I am always a bit worried about people who come so very close to their time but she had been receiving regular prenatal care and just couldn't settle in with the midwives she had chosen.  It's funny but there are just some times when someone walks in the room and you know.  You just know they will have a lovely birth.  Sometimes when i am arriving at a family's home for the 36 week home visit there is a flash, just a moment where again i know with what feels like absolute certainty that there will be a baby born in that house.  I had that feeling when this couple walked into the office.  Certainty.  This woman's labor began when her water broke, she had some cramping but nothing else.  Things remained this way for a day or two until her body and her baby agreed it was time to get the show on the road.  She labored so swift and strong that she took herself by surprise.  The baby sat right at her door until she could gather her mind and body together in order to push her all of the way out.  A lovely little peanut of a girl.  Yelling her way into the world and then immediately calming herself in her mother's arms.  The rest of the evening was spent eating pumpkin pie and loving the baby while listening to the parents tell stories of their dreams of their daughter before she was born.  We cleaned up, did some more dishes, pet the dog, hugged and kissed the family and drove home across the border to a sleeping family full from the dinner party i had cooked for but missed.  I kissed my own children in the dark.  Pet my dogs and slid under the sheets next to the man that i love so much for a couple hours of rest. 

on a day like today

On a day like today i think about all of the reasons i love being a midwife.

On a day like today i am reminded that my job can be so all consuming that it can be hard to breathe sometimes.

On a day like today each belly i touch each sweet cheek i graze with my lips is so welcome

On a day like today my heart aches for those that have lost their chance to kiss the one they have loved.

     Sitting in the office today i was overwhelmed with gratitude and ease.  I just love watching these families grow.  The struggle is so universal.  It all looks the same whether you are looking at a seed forcing it's way through the soil or watching a couple navigate new parenthood.  Life is glorious because it is not easy.

more on February

here are some things i have been ruminating upon this month

1. it is still amazing we can grow people

2. you can learn a lot about a relationship by watching a couple interact during labor

3. in regular life watching pure joy seems rare but at a birth it is normal

4. black tea is really good

5. my children are growing up so quickly 

6. how we are born is important

7.  "i did it" is one of the most gratifying phrases to hear

8. i hope i get old but never feel old

9. there are few things that smell so lovely as a newborn baby

10. i am fortunate to have such wonderful friends

a full month

This has been a full month.  So many wonderful families and beautiful babies.  It feels appropriate in the cold, lean months of February to have an abundance of chubby cheeks and thighs to squeeze.